Space Rep: Don't you mean Doctor W--
Liza: No, and don't even say it. It says Doctor How.
Space Rep: Sorry, I just thought your fingers got drunk before they began typing tonight.
Liza: Nope, it's Doctor How. So would you like to know about the prize?
Space Rep: Esy.
Liza: What does that mean? Oh 'Yes'. Very clever Space Rep. One randomly chosen commenter will win a $50 gift card from either Amazon or B&N.
Space Rep: All right! How do I win it?
Liza: Just follow the rafflecopter my friend.
Now without any further delay let's check out this book. It sounds to be right up my alley.
Doctor How and the Illegal Aliens
by Mark Speed
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Doctor How’s famous megalomaniac brother Doctor Who sold his
fictional life story to the BBC half a century ago, painting himself as a lone
hero. Disillusioned, their four cousins dropped out. For fifty years, Doctor
How has held the line against the forces of darkness and stupidity. And he’s
not that happy, since you ask.
Illegal aliens try to hack How’s Spectrel (TARDIS is a very rude
word where he comes from), just as he suspects his estranged cousin Where has
been compromised. When reports come in of mysterious attacks by alien
creatures, Doctor How has to rely on his new companion Kevin, a petty criminal
from south London, and Trinity, a morphing super-predator, as he counters this
threat to humanity’s existence. Bungling agents from MI16, long desperate to
capture the Time Keeper’s technology, hamper How’s efforts to combat the alien
menace. Can Doctor How keep ahead of MI16, save Where and combat the alien
threat?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kevin lowered his window and said,
“Come on, Doc. We haven’t got all night.”
Where honked lightly twice, and
Kevin laughed.
Doctor How smiled and took a couple
of steps towards the cab.
There was a crash from inside the
house, and the sound of splintering wood. The Doctor whipped around to see the
sofa burst through the front window and tumble into the garden. It came to a
stop upside down against the wall. He took a couple of steps back, pulled out
his Ultraknife and held it towards the house.
“Get in the bleedin’ cab and let’s
go!” yelled Where.
“I want to know what it is. Kill the
headlights.”
“Kill the headlights? You’ll kill us
all. Get inside!” Nevertheless, Where turned off the headlights.
“Get in, Doctor!” shouted Kevin.
The wall beneath the living room
window collapsed outward in a cloud of dust, and the radiator that sat
underneath it fell with a resonating clang onto the rubble. Water gushed out of
a piece of broken central heating pipe.
A pair of black antennae waved
through the dust. They were followed by two interlocking pairs of black mandibles
two feet wide that scythed back and forth in the night air.
“Oh, you absolute beauty,” said the
Doctor, lowering his Ultraknife a fraction.
“Oi, nutter! Get in the bleedin’
cab, will ya?” Where turned the headlights back on, lighting up the rest of the
creature. It was six feet wide and six feet tall, with a rounded shiny black
body.
“I wish you hadn’t done that,” said
Kevin. “Get in, Doc. Let’s go!”
“It’s after you, cousin,” said
Doctor How. Or your Spectrel. Or your cab. Or all three.”
“Well, I don’t want to stick around
and find out which, do I? Get in, you bleedin’ maniac!”
The Doctor opened the door and got
in the front beside his cousin, who jammed the vehicle into reverse just as the
creature edged forward a few feet, to where the cab had been two seconds
before.
“Wait!” said the Doctor. He slammed
the cab into neutral and jerked the handbrake.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mark Speed has been writing novels since he
was fifteen. His comedy writing has appeared in
newspapers as diverse as the
London Evening Standard and The Sun, and been broadcast on BBC Radio 4 Extra.
He performed his solo comedy, The End of the World Show, at the Edinburgh
Fringe in 2011 and 2012. He is currently working on the five-volume Doctor How
series.
Amongst other postgraduate and professional
qualifications, he has a Master’s degree in Creative Writing from City
University, London. In 1995 a chiropractor told him he’d never run again.
Sensibly, he gave up chiropractors, runs every day and has completed several
marathons and a couple of Olympic-length triathlons.
NLP founder Dr Richard Bandler called him a
‘polarity responder’.
@doctorhow_tv
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