Liza O Interviews Diane Dooley

Welcome Space peeps!  Today I'm interviewing the very funny Diane Dooley.

Space Rep: Well, that puts you out of job.

Liza: What? No it doesn't. There is always room for more laughter. It's a non-caloric elixir of life.

Space Rep: We'll see...

Liza: Just do it quietly. Now let's welcome Diane Dooley arriving in my newly tested human transporter. 

Diane: Your transporter makes a godawful noise. I think you need your blonkboggle switch recalibrated.

Liza: Really? I bought it used, but the rehab place promised me it had only been used once.

Diane: Well, I'm here and all my parts seem to be in the right place. *double checks parts*

Liza: Just in case they aren't, and I have to take you to the hospital, are you human or Alien?

Diane: I’m an honest-to-goodness alien. I really am. Resident Alien of the good ole U.S. of A. I might not be an alien from outer space, but coming to America from Scotland was most assuredly like arriving on a different planet. The people certainly stared at me as if I was from outer space. Skin so white it had blue undertones, oddly dressed and coiffed, and when I opened my mouth it could very well have been an alien language for all the blank stares and guffaws I was on the receiving end of. It was quite a fascinating experience and one I have never forgotten. 

Liza: I'm glad you don't seem to need medical care, because my doctor wouldn't have a clue how to care for Scotlanders.

Diane: We're called Scottish.

Liza: Like Scotty on Star Trek?

Diane: Yes.

BREAKING NEWS--NO TIME FOR FACT CHECKS.

Grumpy Old Dr. Scotty from Star Trek has returned as friendly Diane Dooley. Spock almost seems pleased.

Diane: Just because I'm Scottish, doesn't mean I'm Scotty. And Spock is more than pleased. *removes Spock's hand from ass*

Liza: You need to ignore BREAKING NEWS, they rarely have their facts right. So let's return to your interview.
What do you dream about at night?

Diane: House repairs magically doing themselves, random people from the past showing up to lecture me about something, giant rabbits eating my dogs…The usual weird and random stuff.

Liza: You probably shouldn't had said that.

BREAKING NEWS--NO TIME TO FACT CHECK. 

House repaired by powerful OCD ghost. Giant rabbit eats dogs. Apocalypse is near!

Liza: Okay, you're riling them up, so let's move to science questions. That always sends them running. Do you believe in Multiverses? 

Diane: The inanimate object I feel the most love for is the Hubble telescope. Previous to my crush I would have said that I enjoyed the multiverse theory without necessarily believing in it. But--

BREAKING NEWS--NO TIME TO FACT CHECK

Alien Diane (formerly known as Scottie) Dooley has formed a romantic attachment to the Hubble telescope. Sources say she calls him her Hubby. 
Moral Majority sees this as a direct assault on marriage as God intended. They are seeking a new law prohibiting this unholy union. Legal sources say their request will violate current laws which recognize Corporations as people. If Corps are Peeps, then products they make are babies. Babies are people, ergo Hubble is a person. Whether it is a person with rights depends upon the state it claims as home.

Liza: Okay, that didn't work at all. Let's try writing questions. They rarely jump on those. Who or what is your favorite Sci Fi character? 

Diane: I have a very long-lasting and very immature crush on Zaphod Beeblebrox of Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy fame.

 Here is a Vogon poem I wrote for him:

Zaphod, Zaphod,

Two heads, three hands.

Kiss me, touch me.

Then make me a sammitch.

The second head of Zaphod

oh crap!


BREAKING NEWS -- NO TIME TO FACT CHECK

Diane (formerly known as Scottie) Dooley has dropped the Hubble for Zaphod Beetlebreath.
Both his personalities and heads are happy.
Third hand is happy too.

Liza: Diane, please stop provoking them, or we'll never get through this interview! In the future just answer my questions yes or no. Do you think humor has a place in Sci Fi?  What about romance?

Diane: Yes and Yes. Let me be clearer: YES! Two of my novellas (Blue Galaxy from Carina Press and Mako’s Bounty from Decadent Publishing) are comedic sci-fi romances. Writing humor is extremely hard to pull off and I’m not sure I managed it in either of these stories, but I tried, goshdarnit.

I love for there to be a romance in my sci-fi reading and writing. I like the human connection. Passion. Love. Lust. All that good stuff, combined with future tech, space travel, strange planets has me yelling “bring it on!” 

Liza: SHHHHHH! Don't say words like 'bring it on'. *stares at the white space above their heads.* You may have exhausted them. *whispering* What's your favorite part of writing? 

Diane: Banging out a fast and furious first draft. I don’t outline shorter stuff, so a lot of the time I’m writing just to see how the darn thing ends. 

Liza: Me too, except I do it for all size stories. Is there anything you don’t like about being a writer?

Diane: Revising the previously mentioned fast and furious first draft. It’s absolutely necessary, but I find it no fun at all.

Liza: I have to de-was and de-that. I try to make a game of it, but it still puts me into a coma.

Liza:  How does your family feel about your writing and you being an author?

Diane: My husband--

Liza: The Hubble telescope or Zaphod?

Diane: My human husband is my first reader. He believes in me more than I believe in myself. Everything I’ve written thus far is dedicated to him. My kids think it’s cool, but tell me my sci-fi has too many kissy bits in it. True, dat.

Liza: Will you never learn!

BREAKING NEWS--NO TIME FOR FACT CHECKS

Diane (Scottie) Dooley is a trigomist. She has evidently been married to a human husband for many years even as she married Hubble and Zaphod. The moral majority is demanding she spend her life in prison.

Liza: Okay, that's not good. I think you need to leave Earth and find a new home. Oh, Hubble thinks you should go here. It is very pretty. 

Diane: First of all, I'm not leaving without my husband and children.

Liza: Your human husband?

Diane: I only have one husband. I am not, nor never was married to either Hubble or Zaphod. We are just friends.

Liza: With benefits?

Diane: You are as bad as BREAKING NEWS. And you're the one who told me to ignore them.

Liza: My bad... but on a good note, I space beamed Zaphod and he's knows of a super cool planet in that galaxy and will be arriving soon to take you and your water-based husband and products to your new home.  He says you'll like it there. They love to read, only none of them can write.

So let's check out the book you'll be bringing for them?

Diane: Actually, I have three I can bring.

Liza: Even better. This new world is going to eat you up--hopefully not literally.

Science Fiction Romance by Diane Dooley:

BLUE GALAXY: Falling in love is easy; staying alive long enough to enjoy it just might be impossible.

BLUE NEBULA: Uncovering secrets from the past have Sola facing a future she never could have imagined.

MAKO’S BOUNTY: Mako is a fearsome predator, but Vin has the Lord on his side. Who will win the bounty?

Liza: Your new planet of book-hungry aliens are going to devour these ups (hopefully not literally). To make sure they welcome you with open arms, or whatever they call their appendages, I've written you an introductions letter.

Dear Aliens:
Allow me to introduce Diane Dooley and her attachments: Husband and products. 

Diane has been known to both laugh and read herself into brief comas. She thinks it’s a fun and healthy hobby that everyone should try. Hopefully, her hobby will not kill your kind.

 When not chasing her excessively naughty children with a big stick, she can be found tormenting her husband until he gets into the fetal position like a good boy, scribbling increasingly depressing books, and working on her personal hygiene. You might consider making a 'Real Life' TV show about her.

After many years of bumming around, she finally ran out of money in upstate New York, where she now lives in time-honored writerly poverty. Or did, until the Moral Majority received their copy of BREAKING NEWS. Now she needs a new home, and hopes you will refrain from eating, smashing, dissolving or killing her and said attachments in any form whatsoever. I strongly advise you to take care of my friend of one hour because if she does not remain functional, she cannot write. If she does not write, you'll go hungry for books. 

While waiting for her, you may stalk her at these links.

Blog  |  Twitter  |  Facebook  |  Website  |  Goodreads

Her 2nd husband will be watching you from afar and her 3rd husband can blow your pretty planet to pieces. SO BE NICE

*Loud knocking on the outer skin of space ship*  

Liza: Ah there's Zaphod.  Diane, it's been a great pleasure having you. Anything you'd like to say before you go?

Diane: Thank you for delivering Zaphod and Hubble. You are truly the hostess with the mostest.

Liza:And she disappears. I wish I had Zaphod's ship. It's much cooler than mine.

PLEASE LEAVE COMMENTS. I LOVE THEM AND PROMISE TO FORWARD THEM TO DIANE ON HER NEW PLANET.