Friday, October 11, 2013



As the future becomes our present some things won’t change.
There will always be someone looking to make a buck with a scam.
I recently received a PRIVATE CALLER,  who, based on the background noise, called from a boiler room. He claimed he was from Microsoft and I had recently downloaded several serious and dangerous viruses which I needed to remove at once.
I had already heard of this scam and the hell one of my friend’s husband put the scammers through before they realized the guy was on to them. I wanted to play with them too, only I was behind schedule and didn’t have time, so instead I said, “Sorry, I don’t have time to play with you right now. You need to call someone else,” and hung up the phone.
Today I have time, but they won’t call back and I don’t have their number since it was a private number. Sigh!
But I don’t need them. I’m an author. I can make up my own scenario of our conversation.  I can even put it in the future and have them call my junker space ship.

So here is my version of Microsoft is calling to fix a problem you didn’t even know you had. All you have to do is give the caller complete control of your computer…or in this case, the ship.

Beep Beep……Beep Beep
Liza: *taps her ear piece*  Junker Heap One.
Mechanically Disguised Voice (MDV): Sir, I am from Virgin Atlantis. We have discovered you have transported onto your ship seven deadly sinister assassins.
Liza: Seven? Wow? Did the six people who don’t think Worst Week Ever is funny send them?
MDV: We don’t know who sent them. However, you need to give us control of your ship at once so we can discover and destroy them. Drop privacy shields and provide all your access codes at once. Your life depends upon it.
Liza: My life? Wait, I only have 6 hate reviews. Does this mean I have a 7th but that person decided not to write a review, but to go directly to the Kill Liza solution?  Killing me seems a bit extreme just because they didn’t like my humor and thus took my books seriously.  I think I better negotiate with the assassins, offer them a copy of Worst Week Ever. With luck they’ll be laughing so hard I can convert them to my side of the battle between serious and funny.
MDV: No sir, you must stay where you are and let us handle them. We are experts. Any attempts you make will only make the assassins angrier. They are blood thirsty murderers, who do not like humor.
Liza: Are you certain? I’ve known a couple of psychopaths and they seemed to like my humor. Although, now that I think of it, their laughs were creepy.
MDV: Sir, the assassins have located your position in the ship. Give us your codes now.
Liza: Okay, here’s my code: U R SCAMMERS N I AM PLAYING U.
MDV: It didn’t work. Try again.
Liza: Maybe it’s this one: I AM NOT A SIR N U R NOT VIRGIN ATLANTIS.
MDV: Not working. Go to your Primary data base…
Liza: Too late! They’re here. No, don’t! Stop! Someone help me! Oh the inhumanity of being pelted with digital books.

Liza: Sorry that’s my lunch. I can’t play any longer, but it was lots of fun. Call back anytime.

Playing with spammers never gets old.


  1. Too funny Liza. I think I need one of these anti scammers for all the political calls I'm getting now with the election

  2. They are active this year. Fortunately, I cut mine in half telling the republican party I'll vote for no republican for any office as long as they hold our country hostage in congress. Haven't heard from them since.

  3. LOL I had one of those scammers call me. I don't know where he claimed to be from as I barely understood what he said. I just heard that my computer had a bunch of viruses. I was in disbelief that he would even know that, and said "Yeah, right" and hung up the phone. Never called again.

    Sometimes when we get scammers and solicitors, I hand the phone to my son. Then they usually hang up first.

  4. This one has to be the stupidest scam ever, yet there was a noisy room of scammers working it. What a crappy job. Don't they know MS has a method to create updates. And they always choose the worse times to implement them. And they never call and ask. They just do it.


All spammers will be shot with a plasma gun.