5 ways Earth gets rid of pesky humans

Here's my UPDATED list of ways the Earth Might Get rid of Pesky Humans.

Some of you will be reluctant to follow me down this morose path. Since I want you to follow me, I’ll try to be funny about our possible demises.

In no particular order:

1) A Giant Super Volcano beneath Yellowstone Park explodes.

I’m constantly amazed at how many people don’t know we have a super-volcano all set to blow Yellowstone park to smithereens. Goodbye buffalo, human eating grizzly bears, and astounded tourists.

But that’s just the start of trouble. Since this is a super volcano, not just a common volcano, it’s thousands of time more powerful than your garden variety lava burper. This mother of volcanoes has blown twelve times over the last 18 million years.

 It’s worse case would pretty well obliterate North America either from the initial explosion or the ash fallout, or the consequential aftermath of both. Here’s one estimation of plume dispersion depending on season it blows:

As you can see, the fallout will reach most of US and Canada. A great deal of people will attempt to drive to Florida or Mexico to escape the fallout. Oddly, neither Florda or Mexico will welcome the invasion. 

Don’t be surprised if Mexico hires guards to protect their side of the fences we put up along the border. And expect Florida to blow up all their bridges, seed their new border with their excessive population of gators, and declare themselves a sovereign nation, because seriously the 38 million people who didn't die in the initial blast zone aren’t going to fit in the bottom half of Florida.

All the dust and gases in the air could also trigger non-recoverable global warming which will conclude with our next ice age. Not to mention all our farmlands will be covered in ash, breathing will become challenging, and life overall will suck. We will no doubt envy those who were close enough to watch the explosion first hand and died as they said, "Oh, that's--"

2) Methane gases lurking in our oceans will rise and greet us when our oceans get warmer.

In a previous global warming event it’s believed the oceans warmed, causing the frozen methane to rise from the ocean and poison most of the life on Earth. Those creatures clever enough to miss methane poison will have to face intense global warming, (because methane is a huge factor in global warming). You'll also enjoy volcanoes, fires, droughts, and then a really long deep freeze. 

Personally, my recommendation is to breathe in the methane early on. Nothing that occurs afterwards sounds like any fun at all.

3) Earth gets slammed by angry 
Pluto or a herd of moderate size meteorites.

First, let’s start with the possibility that Pissed off Pluto comes to Earth to lodge its complaint about being demoted from its planet status. Pluto has several moons rotating around it! That's more than Earth can boast. By the time it arrives here, its gone...Instead of saying it goes postal, let’s say it goes asteroid and the meeting doesn't go well for either.

Some believe this has already happened once, while Earth was forming (only the part about a planet crashing into earth-not that it was Pluto.) A subset of scientists believes this explains the large rock that rotates around us which we call the moon. The theory is another planet slammed into into Earth, left a good bit of itself behind, then the bits and pieces left formed the moon.

Still, it had to be a devastating merger and Earth took a really long time to recover.

Clearly, there would be no surviving life if Pluto attacks us. But what if a herd of smaller asteroids from the Kuiper belt rain down upon us?

Imagine if something knocks into the Kuiper belt, sending a large swath of rocks flying towards Earth. 

The  positive side of this scenario is you’ll get a great sky show before you  evaporate.
"Oh that's pre---"

4) The magnetic poles flip leaving us temporarily exposed to the sun’s solar flares.

On occasion in the past, our magnetic poles have reversed, which means they probably will again.

This is far more serious than North becoming South and south becoming north, although that will be troublesome for North and South America, the North and South Dakotas and Carolinas, and West Virginia, not to mention the thousands of cities utilizing directions in their names. Will they swap names or just be backwards thereafter?

For a short while…years…10 -1000 years...our magnetic field protecting us from the sun’s intensity will become a tangled knot of confusion unable to do it's job in a satisfactory manner. Until the poles reverse and get back to work, we will be at great risk. During our naked/semi-naked time, solar flares will fry our electric grids and probably give us all cancer. Sadly all our money is de facto electronic data bits so we'll probably all become poor overnight. 

Only 3^rd world countries not dependent upon electricity may survive the reversal. The rest of will be sitting in the dark wondering. “Did I forget to pay my electricity bill, Why doesn't my tv  or phone work? I'm very bored.”

Be patient, soon hungry people will arrive to have you for dinner,

5) Now this one, is of our own making.

The US Military has been dumping radioactive and toxic waste into our oceans for many decades, perhaps as early as the 1950's. 

They've no idea where many of the canisters are, nor how to retrieve them, if retrieving them even remains an option. 

Since no one is even trying to solve this problem, I'm guessing those who know the true state of the situation do not believe the problem has a solution. This leaves them hoping that most are dumped deep enough (many aren't) to hang with the frozen methane in the deep ocean UNTIL global warming and underwater volcanos cause the ocean to warm and then all the toxins will poison the water while returning to the surface to poison our air.

I'm sure there are many more ways Earth can get rid of it's two legged vermin, but I've spread enough cheeriness today. Here's my takeaway. 

Enjoy each day as if it is your last because any of these time bombs could occur tomorrow or a million years from now. We don't know. 
Also, be kind to everyone and laugh as much as you can. 

Since we live on a multifaceted time bomb and have failed to find a new planet and design a Faster than Light ship, we shouldn't take matters too seriously. Just enjoy life while you can.

Here's something to enjoy: 

AMAZON

Liza O'Connor will publish her first Sci-fi series. Book 1, The Gods of Probabilities, starts on the fourth dimension on Earth called Oceania by its inhabitants. These water people have always been good caretakers of their world. Unfortunately, all those uranium canisters and other toxic items we dropped into the ocean are now leaking into their dimension.  

PLEASE NOTE:
The fourth dimension does not belong to time. In fact, time is an illusion. (I know, it's disturbing to discover you are always rushing about for an illusion, but get used to it.)

But back to these poor water people. They will die from the poison leaking through to their dimension. They need to leave the planet and find a new one. (Something we'd be wise to do as well.) But how? They know less about space and spaceships than we do.